hearttalk100

In the dark of this night,Im forced to wander through memory lane.  It all makes sense now. I can read between the lines and it brings to me a heavy heart filled with regret. Why did I not seize the moment? Why did I not make the most of my time with you? I should have seen you suffering. I should have held your hand. Maybe you'd still be here. Its too late for that now. You're long gone. Cold.as my heart gets from all the toture I dare not share. After all, they're my demons to slay. I hope one day you forgive me. For not seing, you. I was young. It was a lot. Am sorry.

I wonder what my mom thinks about masturbation. Sometimes I watch these black movies and there’s always that woman who won’t stop talking about her body and sex, masturbation, periods -you know, all the topics you don’t want to discuss at the dinner table during thanksgiving. Except, I kind of do. I kind of want someone, a female adult to talk to me about these things without me cringing out of my skin, without it becoming the oh so dreaded ‘talk’. Growing up, I envied people who had great relationships with their moms. In the environment I grew up in, there were not very many of those. Not to stereotype, but most people with such relationships were girls from single mom families and/or were the only kids. The rest of us had a stronger relationship with our mothers’ slippers than the moms themselves. My earliest memory of something resembling a talk is one time, and I laugh every time I tell this, when I was walking around in my mother’s room and she asked me “ na unaosh...

Today started on a fishy note.Something was burning somewhere and the smell was terrible which is not exactly what you want first thing in the morning.The weather was dull and I had the worst attitude(sorry to everyone who tried to talk to me in the morning).I actually told someone 'kunakaa mazishi'. While I couldn't put my finger on what it was that i was feeling,i just wanted to cry....for absolutely no reason.none at all.but I just remembered;six years ago today was when my dad's first wife died.that's right, my bio mum died.lost the battle to colon cancer. As i write this,i am preparing myself to head home.Juja.the family home where my step mum also lives.(I'm also crying,silently so that no one knows  DziDzi the great has feelings,but that's besides the point. )I'm going to meet them.my parents,my brother who was such a Mommy's boy so i can only imagine how he's feeling right now and my step-sister.My role in the society(gig...